Book report boundaries
Book report boundariesBook Report Boundaries: When To Say Yes, When To Say No To Take Control Of Your Life
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1992
The authors present the book in three parts: What are Boundaries?, Boundary Conflicts, and Developing Healthy Boundaries.
What are Boundaries?
A boundary is a personal property line that we establish to define who we are, what we do, and for what we are responsible. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Physical boundaries help us determine who is allowed to touch us and when they may touch us. Mental boundaries help us know that we are free to think our own thoughts , have our own feelings, and express our own opinions. Emotional boundaries help us express our own emotions and feelings -- not those of others. Spiritual boundaries help us understand what is God's will and what is our own will.
The book begins with a look at a day with Sherrie, a woman whose life was boundaryless. Sherrie catered to her children's every whim. She could never say, "No," to her mother who had not adjusted to becoming a widow and wanted to spend endless hours visiting with Sherrie. Sherrie's mother always managed to make her feel like a guilty little girl. Sherrie's girlfriend, who was unmarried, always dumped her "boyfriend" problems on her. Sherrie's co-worker always managed to dump part of his work on her. He knew she was dependable, faithful, and reliable, and would always say all of this while asking her to do his work. A committee leader from Sherrie's church called for her to work on a special committee, saying this is what is meant being a living sacrifice. Her husband ignored her, burring himself in front of the TV most evenings. Sherrie resented the imbalance in all of her relationships, but she would immediately feel guilty.
Over the years Sherrie had noticed a shift in the marriage relationship. Her husband had become sarcastic, and she could see the lack of respect for her in his eyes. He began to demand that she always do things his way, and his temper would flare. She realized her marriage was not a team effort anymore. It was more like a parent-child relationship with her being the child. Sherrie realized he was a controlling person, but she blamed herself for even that! She tried "loving him out of his anger." She learned to read his emotions, temper, body language, and speech. She was aware of his moods and became sensitive to things that would set him off. If she was quiet and agreeable, things would go well for a while. If she stated her preferences, things would flare up again....
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